Disappointed, dejected and defeated...

You know why there are successful people out there? Because there are fools like me in this world that are compared to them. Naive, too trusting and simple-minded. I feel this stabbing heartache...this pain inside that cannot be described...long have I ignored the evils and treachery in this world..But the thick black blinds that had covered my eyes for years have been lifted...I have come to realise how people that I once thought I knew are actually putting on a facade and making use of me. How evil can these people be?How people are just treating me like a worthless and dumb doll that can be manipulated by the flick of the fingers...Just by using some lies or deception, I can be easily fooled...

Society and people do not stop to take notice of me...Why should they? I am not worth their time. I am just a small tiny being that is not worldly wise and uncapable to handle the cold hard truth. The hard truth of growing up and the struggle for survival in this era is actually so brutal...I begin to realise how I have not been living for myself..except for the short spurts in the past where I had picked myself up and actually strived for greater heights. But to fall back down once again without even noticing it... I promise myself to do more self reflections and to re-evaluate the people around me. To really know who I can trust and sacrifice myself for... To those few in my heart that has earned that place, I hope you are able to maintain that position forever.. For every once in a while, someone falls from that privileged position and I feel the immense hurt...For today, another has fallen from there...

Few has seen me cry and few will ever see me cry. I have been hardened through the years and it takes alot for me to break down...There has only been 1 incident that I remember myself crying to my heart's delight ever since I had turned 12. That was during Council Camp in 2002 where I completed my final task as Council Camp IC. I felt the sadness in relinquishing my duties as a student councilor and that I have completed my journey...That was the only time that I really cried out loud. for at that moment, the emotions and sadness gushed straight to my head and I simply had to let everything out.

I prefer to let people see the cheerful side of me which in actual fact is my true self. I am one who is extremely positive and always look on the bright side. I hope my radiance and joy can rub off on people and brighten their day. I like to keep my sadness inside and bury deep down so that I will never uncover them. But every once in awhile I will unwillingly dig everything out...tonight is one such night...on 9 sep 2006 at 0200h, I have been hurt and I have changed...

Disappointed, Dejected and Defeated...